America's Next Top MALE Model!
by Imaru Mi Amore
Summary: Starring most of the men from Naruto! Pairings GALORE!


Two of my favorite shows joined into ONE!! I hope you like it!!

Warning: References to Shippy, cussing and Uchihacest (yay! My fav!) and other stuffs!

Disclaimer: No way, Jose!

Let's Get It On Bitch!!

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_Semana Uno_

_Narrator speak i.e. Tyra_

_Now that I've made so many dreams come true for so many young women, I'm ready to do the same for some young MEN! This is America's Next Top Male Model!!_

_(cue Top Model Theme song)_

_I've looked through hundreds of Tens of applications and I've narrowed it down to 22 lucky guys!! Miss J, Jay, and I will be doing individual interviews with each of them._

_(Scene changes to a driveway in front of a large, elegant hotel with Tyra and the J's standing on the driveway)_

"And here are our lucky guys are now!" said Tyra as she pointed at the raggedy school bus that just broke down on the driveway. The 22 contestants grumbled off the bus saying things like "What a lame bus..." and "So troublesome" and "Why am I here.." and the ever popular "I'm hungry"

"Hello everyone!!" screamed Tyra happily. Naruto, Lee, and Tobi screamed in happiness, jumping up and down. Everyone else just stood there looking either bored, annoyed, or homicidal. (i.e. Sasuke) "Who wants to be America's Next Top Male Model?!" Tyra screamed. "WE DO! WE DO!" screamed the happy threesome.

"Ok! Then, let's GO!!" Tyra yelled running to the entrance of the extravagant hotel. Lee, Naruto, and Tobi ran after her, super excited, while everyone else just walked calmly to the door. Tyra led them all to a small lounge area for everyone to wait for their interviews. Then, she went back to the interview room with the J's.

_In the Interview Room_

The first contestant entered the interview room looking super excited.

"Hi! I'm Uzamaki Naruto, dattebayo!" Naruto said happily. "Ok, Uzamaki, so-" said Jay until he was cut off by Naruto. "My name's not Uzamaki! It's Naruto! Believe it!" Naruto said pouting and folding his arms. "Ok whatever, why do you want to be America's Next Top Male Model?" asked Miss J.

"So people will finally appreciate me for the wondrous beauty that I am!" Naruto said looking extremely determined. "I WILL win!" Tyra nodded her head in approval. "I like your determination!"

"Dattebayo!" Naruto said as he flashed them a thumbs up. "It says here you're a Genin-rank Ninja. What's it like? And what made you want to get into the fashion business?" Tyra asked looking at Naruto's application.

"I'm actually chunnin-rank, I just haven't taken the chunnin exam recently!" said Naruto proudly. "Yeah, that's what they all say..." said Miss J, smirking ghetto fabulously. "But, it's the truth!!" Naruto sobbed.

"Mmhm, whatever!" Miss J replied slyly.

"Ok well, thank you Naruto!" said Tyra happily.

"But I didn't get to answer the ques-"

"**NEXT CONTESTANT!**" Tyra screamed making Naruto scramble out of the room and the J's jump.

Itachi shuffled into the room, his face expressionless, wearing the infamous cloak of the Akatsuki Organization.

"Hello! What's your name?" Tyra asked amiably. "Uchiha Itachi." he said in a sweet monotone.

"Very interesting. So, why do you want to become America's Next Top Male Model?" asked Jay as he scrutinized the contestant. "Leader made me..." the prodigy replied simply, his face still unreadable.

"Uhhh...ok then...well, it says here your younger brother is entering the competition as well. Tell us about him." Tyra said, slightly confused but still trying to be friendly. "He hates me." Itachi said with a twinge of sadness. Lucky for him(SARCASM!), Tyra detected the twinge and her look turned sympathetic.

"Do you hate him?" she half whispered. Itachi was silent, but due to that minute spark of sadness in his eyes she already knew the answer. She went over and hugged him, but he was unresponsive and inwardly rolling his eyes at the woman's sensitivity. Tyra let go and went to sit down when Jay said "Don't get **TOO** dramatic!" Everyone chuckled at the sarcasm, except Itachi who just stayed silent.

"Well...bye!" Tyra said uncertainly. Itachi bowed lightly and walked out of the room.

The next contestant entered smoking away on a cigarette.

"I'm sorry sir we don't allow smoking in this competition anymore." Tyra said happily.

"Ok, bye" said Asuma as he walked out of the interview room.

"That was easy." said Jay.

The next contestant walked in, hands in his pockets, looking basically pretty cool(NOT! THAT'S A NEGATIVE!).

"Hello what's your name?" Tyra asked happily. "Uchiha Sasuke" The sullen teenager replied. "So _you're_ Itachi's brother! We just interviewed him a few minutes ago!" Tyra said.

"Grrr Itachi," Sasuke growled, "Do you hate him? You should! Because I do and he deserves to **DIE A MILLION DEATHS**!!" Sasuke said melodramatically getting on his knees. Everyone sweat dropped at this sudden display of emotion.

"Umm...actually we think he's an ok guy...But _anyways_, why do you want to be America's Next Top Male Model?" asked Jay.

"Because people kept telling me I'd win and also because it would allow me to get close to Itachi so that I can **KILL HIM IN HIS SLEEP! MUAHAHA!!**" Sasuke said as he evilly laughed, making everyone sweat drop _AGAIN_!

"Ok...bye..." said Miss J not wanting to continue the interview with the creepy boy. Sasuke just nodded lightly and left.

The next contestant entered with an unusually large sword on his back and an Akatsuki cloak.

"Hello, what's your name?" asked Jay. "Hoshigaki Kisame" said Kisame with a sharp toothed grin.

"Is your skin naturally blue or did you spill some paint or what?!" asked Miss J incredulously.

"It's naturally blue!" said Kisame happily.

"Ok! Why do you want to be America's Next Top Male Model?" Tyra asked still staring at Kisame's skin.

"Itachi made me because Leader made him." said Kisame sadly. "Ok then...well thanks!" said Tyra waving him off. Kisame walked calmly out of the room.

The next contestant entered the room looking curious and slightly confused. He flashed the judges a cute but meaningful smile.

"Hello, what's your name?" asked Jay. "I'm known as Sai..." he said still smiling. Tyra returned his smile. "So, Sai, why do you want to be America's Next Male Model?" asked Miss J.

"Ino said it would be good for me and that I have a good chance of winning." he said still smiling.

"Hmmmmm...you say you were a part of Anbu Root?" said Tyra uncertainly. "Yes, but that period of my life has passed. I am a part of Team Kakashi now..." he said still smiling. "They reminded me of long forgotten friends..." Tyra smiled.

"Well that's good! And thank you Sai!" said Jay. Sai stepped out of the room, looking around.

The next contestant came in riding a large white dog.

"I'm sorry sir no pets allowed in the competition!" Jay said kindly.

"Well, fuck you!" Kiba yelled as he and Akamaru ran out.

"Ooook...another one down." said Miss J.

The next contestant stepped in wearing an Akatsuki cloak with blonde hair swishing in a ponytail.

"I'm sorry ma'am this is America's Next Top _MALE_ Model. You can enter in our regular comp-"

"**I'M NOT A WOMAN!!**" Deidara screamed as he cut off Tyra. "Oh! I'm sorry!" said Tyra full of remorse.

"It's ok! My name's Deidara!" The blonde said happily. "Well Deidara, why do you want to be America's Next Top Male Model?" Jay asked.

"Because, all this gorgeousness should not be put to waste!!" Deidara said femininely. "Whatever..." The J's muttered under their breath.

"Do you think your _handicap_ will hinder you in this competition?" Tyra asked.

"You mean these?" said Deidara holding up his palms to show the identical mouths, "They won't be a problem! They're actually really helpful, especially when I'm having se-"

"OK THANK YOU DEIDARA! SEE YOU LATER!" The three judges cut him off and pushed him out of the room before he could put the disturbing yet erotic images into their heads.

The next contestant walked into the room.

"Hello! What's your name??" asked Jay. "Sabaku No Gaara." said the red-haired teen.

"Gaara, why do you want to be America's Next Top Male Model?" asked Tyra. "Temari told me it was a requirement to win this competition to become Kazekage." he stated simply.

"Uhhhh...no it's not..." said Jay. Gaara growled.

"DAMN YOU, TEMARI!" he said and ran out of the room, leaving the judges all confuzzled again.

The next contestant ran around the room in a flash of green.

"I AM THE YOUTHFUL LEE!!" The teen said once he finally stopped running. "AND I AM HERE TO WIN!!"

Tyra stood up and clapped. "FINALLY! Someone with **enthusiasm**!" she said happily as she walked over and high-fived Lee.

"Yes, Ms. Banks, I'm here to win this extremely youthful competition!" said Lee happily.

"Why do you want to be America's Next Top Male Model?" asked Miss J. "So that I can spread the power of youth across the WORLD!!" Lee said as a rainbow appeared filled with unicorns and lollipops and other gay shit.

The judges waved away the rainbow and its fictional world. "Sounds good to me!" said Tyra, who was still overjoyed by Lee's enthusiasm.

"Yosh!" said Lee happily as he flashed them his sparkly smile and thumbs up.

"Nice to meet you bye!" said Jay and Lee just waltzed happily out of the room.

The next contestant entered, looking half awake, with messy red hair.

"Hi, what's your name?" asked Tyra. " Akasuna No Sasori" said the gorgeous red head as he cracked them a smile.

"Sasori, why do you want to be America's Next Top Model?"

"I saw the photo shoot on Cycle 6 with the puppets and I fell in LOVE!" he said dreamily.

"Ok then...it says here you can make human puppets...please explain.." Jay asked.

"Well first you get a cadaver. Then you remove all the internal organs, you know the heart, brai-"

"OK THANK YOU SASORI!! BYE!" said Tyra, not wanting to see her breakfast on the floor. Sasori just walked out as calm as ever.

The next contestant entered with a giant wrapped up something on his back.

"Hello! What's your name?" asked Tyra still recovering from Sasori's cut off explanation.

"Kankurou, at your service!" The puppet master said smiling.

"You know if you're going to be in this competition you have to take off the face paint." said Miss J. Kankurou sighed sadly. "Yes, I know..."

"Why do you want to be America's Next Top Male Model?" asked Tyra.

"Because the greatest puppet master of them all, Akasuna No Sasori, is here!!" he said happily.

"It says here _your _younger brother is _also _trying out." said Jay. Kankurou nodded. "Yeah, Gaara already went!"

"OOOH! _That's_ your younger brother! He's a bit strange..."

"Yeah, you get used to it!" said Kankurou scratching his head nervously.

"Well, thank you for your time Kankurou!! Bye!" said Tyra waving him off. Kankurou walked off.

The next contestant shuffled in with his mouth covered by his jacket.

"What's your name?" Jay asked. "Aburame Shino." he stated simply.

"**AAAAGH!!**" Tyra screamed jumping on to the judges' table. "**ANTS!!**" The J's spotted the deadly fire ants and proceeded to kill them.

"**NOOOO!**" Shino screamed, "LL COOL J, MARY J BLIGE, ALICIA KEYS!! You died so young..." He hung his head in shame at the loss of his comrades. "WHAT KIND OF INSECT HELL IS THIS??" Shino yelled as he ran out of the interview room. The judges were left slightly confuzzled again.

"Well that ends the interviews for today!! To the bedroom! We'll finish the rest of the interviews tomorrow!!" said Tyra to the other judges and you lovely viewers...erm...readers! The contestants were carted off to the hotel they were staying at.

_

* * *

__With the contestants..._

"**MOTEL 8??** What kind of gay shit is this??" said Kiba as the contestants arrived at their quarters for that night. Over half of the other contestants glared at him, yelling "**DON'T TALK ABOUT GAY PEOPLE!!**" Kiba just backed up from the gang of guys and managed to utter a "Sorry..."

But, compared to the high-class hotel they had had their interviews at, the Motel 8 _did_ seem _pretty_ crappy. And what's worse there were only _2_ _rooms_! Now, if you're an attractive straight male sleeping in close quarters with 80 gay males, you probably wouldn't feel particularly _happy_ about this situation. Oh well, they'll get over it!

The contestants were fed Ramen and pizza, which was great for Naruto. The other contestants grumbled about shitty food and other things that I won't force you to endure through. There was _one_ good thing about that overnight experience! The pillows were soft as a feather!! Everything else basically sucked. You can just imagine the happiness that radiated from everyone when they boarded the raggedy bus.

Now back to the interviews!!

_In the interview room..._

The next contestant entered the room with their arms crossed, looking thoroughly pissed off.

"Hi! What's your name?" Tyra asked. "Hyuuga Neji..." said the long-haired brunette.

"So Neji, why do you want to be America's Next Top Male Model?" asked Jay scrutinizing the adrogynous boy.

"It is my destiny to win this competition." he stated still looking pissed off at the world.

"Interesting...you say you're the best at everything?" Tyra asked.

"Yes and all these other people are entirely inferior to my superiority." he said. The J's rolled their eyes at the arrogant boy.

"Ok bye!" said Miss J not wanting to hear any more arrogant remarks from the boy.

"Tch, whatever.." he said and walked out.

The next contestant walked in, also wearing a notable Akatsuki cloak.

"Hello! What's your name?" asked Jay. "Zetsu..."

"Ummmm...if you don't mind me asking...what exactly _are_ you?" asked Miss J raising an eyebrow.

"A person.." said Zetsu's light half. "I told you people don't respect us!" said the dark half. "It's not their fault they've never seen anyone like us." said the light half. "Whatever" his dark half replied.

"Ummmm...bye?" said Tyra as Zetsu argued with himself. The plant-person-thing just waved at them and left.

The next person walked into the room, pushing his glasses up in that extremely cool way that I wish I could do.

"Hey, what's your name?" asked Miss J. "Yakushi Kabuto" said the white-haired Jounin.

"Why do you want to be America's Next Top Male Model?" asked Tyra.

"Orochimaru told me it would bring us closer together if I won." he said with a dreamy look in his eyes. Everyone sweat dropped at the odd answer.

"What do you do with Orochimaru? We all know you're his number one henchman." asked Jay.

"We fight together, live together, plan together, and when I take a bath we-"

"**OK THANK YOU KABUTO! BYE!**" said the judges as they cut off the sly teenager. He smirked at them and walked out of the room.

The next contestant pranced into the room looking positively gleeful, even though you couldn't see it behind his swirly mask.

"HELLO!!" he said happily to the judges. "Hi! What's your name?" Tyra said getting happier around the positive individual.

"Tobi!" he said happily.

"Why do you want to become America's Next Top Male Model?" asked Jay.

"It will help me in my conquest of **WORLD DOMINATION!! MUAHAHAHA!!**...And so I can get all the lollipops that I want!" he said evilly.

"So...you like_ lollipops_ Tobi..." said Jay slyly. "Yes, very much so!" The judges just sniggered at the juvenile and perverted joke.

"You're a part of the Akatsuki also?" asked Tyra.

"Yeah!! Everyone's ok but I_ really_ like Deidara-senpai..." he said with a dreamy look in his eyes. "Oooooooooh" The judges ooh-ed. "You like him a lot?" Miss J asked slyly.

"Yes very much so!" The judges exchanged looks. "Well, thank you for your time Tobi!" said Tyra

"Bye!" And with that Tobi pranced out of the room.

The next contestant strode in looking _extra_ bored.

"Hi, what's your name?" asked Jay. "Nara Shikamaru..." said the indifferent brunette.

"Why do you want to be America's Next Top Male Model??" asked Tyra happily.

"It's the least troublesome thing I could think of doing..." he said and let out an impatient sigh.

"Well then...it says here your a certified genius!" said Jay incredelously.

"Yes, it's such a drag though...but sometimes its ok." he said and yawned obnoxiously.

"Well goodbye, Shikamaru!" said Miss J.

Shikamaru just strode out of the room.

The next masked contestant walked in reading the newest volume of _Icha Icha Paradise_.

"Ummmm...if you want to be in this competition you have to take off the mask..." said Jay.

Kakashi flipped them off, muttered "Whatever", and walked out of the interview room.

"Well then, send in the next contestant." said Tyra.

The next conestant strode in eating some _Sun Chips_.

"Hey, what's your name??" asked Tyra. "Akimichi Chouji!" he said still munching chips.

"So, why do you want to be America's Next Top Male Model??" asked Jay raising an eyebrow at the overweight ninja.

"So that I can be rich and able to **BUY ALL THE MCDONALD'S MY HEART DESIRES!!**" he said, spinning around happily. The judges sweat dropped.

"Ermm...well then... moving along... How'd you become a ninja with your obvious gluttony?" asked Miss J. Chouji threw down his bag of chips.

"Did you just call me **FAT?? I'M NOT FAT!!**" Chouji screamed scaring the judges.

"**OK, THANK YOU CHOUJI!!**" said the judges as they pushed the hot-headed ninja out of the room.

The next contestant soon entered looking positive.

"Hello! What's your name??" asked Jay. "Umino Iruka." he said smiling kindly at them.

"And, why do you want to be America's Next Top Male Model?" aske Tyra.

"So I can spread positivity around the WORLD!!" he said happily. Tyra nodded her head in approval while the J's rolled ther eyes. Iruka just gave them a thumbs up.

"Well, thanks!!" said Tyra. Iruka lightly bowed at the judges and walked out.

"Well that concludes the auditions!" said Tyra clasping her hands together happily. "THANK GOD!!" said the J's. "now about the eliminations..."

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_The Next Day_

_Now we have to narrow the contestants down to 13 lucky men. Who will stay?? Who will go??_

The contestants are lined up neatly in rows awaiting Tyra's verdict.

"Naruto, Shikamaru, Zetsu, and Neji.." The lucky men walked to the side; Naruto was ecstatic.

"Sasuke, Itachi, Tobi, and Sasori.." Tobi and Sasori were ecstatic while Sasuke was shooting death glares Itachi's way.

"Kisame, Sai, Lee..." Lee looked super excited!

"Deidara and last but not least..." A dramatic pause...

"GAARA!" The loser contestants cursed and whined.

"And that's our 13 finalists!! See you next week when they move into their new HOUSE!!"

_(cue Top Model Music)_

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This chapter took SO FUCKING LONG!! It's the longest thing I've EVER written!! Well thank you guys for reading! And thanks to and Absolute Anime for some of these people's biographies and stuff(and for making me realize that **ITACHI IS THE SAME WEIGHT AS ME AND MAKING ME FEEL FAT!!**) Anyways, see you next time!(hopefully) Love you!

READ AND REVIEW/COMMENT!! Pretty PLEASE!!


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